What would you do if ESPN didn't exist?




Now wait, take a minute and think about. I would be President. "President of what Tyler?", you might ask me. The United States of America. Over the years there have been too many times to recall when I have been sitting on the couch trying to decide what to do with my day and then just when I have decided to start a political career or write a plea to UNICEF for more aid for the war countries of Africa; ESPN interferes. Either PTI or Around the Horn will undoubtedly come on and then I have to delay the beginning of my bid for city council or decide that my dissertation and subsequent plan for world peace can wait to be presented to the world one more day. Sometimes late at night when I can't sleep and begin to write down my thoughts on political crisis in America and then sure enough just as I'm getting ready to book my flight to Washington D.C. so I can stand before congress and wax poetic on the impending oil crisis facing our nation and the current crisis facing the entire planet global warming; what happens? The fucking 1am SportsCenter comes on and the Antartic ice shelf melts a little more...shit. So, thanks a lot ESPN. Thank you for your great daily shows like PTI and Around the Horn, and SportsCenter with it's up to the minute scores and highlights, and for your hilarious commercials. (especially the comic book convention one) But fuck you ESPN. I could have been President. FOFF.

So today I got a new job at WORLDMARKET. i'm going to be the early moring stocker, which, means that I'll be going to work very early in the morning and be in the store almost alone. Me and my MP3 player are going to be getting down and inventing some pretty sweet dances. For those of you wondering, this has brought my job so far to a robust 19...as far as I can count anyway. If you can think of any obscure jobs I've had that I may have forgotten please try to help me out. Let's see if I can get to 20!

P.S.
do we have a for sure count for the river?

P.S.S.
Lee why don't you try actually committing to something 100% instead of this pussy 65ish% shit you always pull before you don't do something? Burn.

How to make a helicopter noise...

First buy a can of Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds
(smokehouse works best, but regular wil do in a pinch)
Next you'll need to eat approximately 1/4 of the contents.
Finally put the lid back on (this is very important to remember) and begin to shake vigorously, but with rythm.

Now that is what a helicopter sounds like.

P.S.
If you do not agree...just keep it to yourself and then FOFF.

I haven't gotten to play a really violent fast moving fighting game in a long time. Oh, Killer Instinct GOLD where have you gone? This is a standing challenge to anyone who thinks they may be worthy of dethroning me... KING of the BUTTON PUSHERS! Do you think you're good enough to stop this combo? leg sweep X 23, jab to face X 13, block X 5 (while no one is trying to hit me), finally ending with kickass 64 hit combo I have no idea how I did and will never be able to do again. Many have tried and many have fallen...LEE

I'm really glad Michael Finley finally got to win an NBA Championship...
FUCK THE SPURS!

One time Lee tried to kiss me and I don't mean like one of those trying to gross me out kisses, like really tried to kiss me. I think he's harboring some homoerotic feelings for me, I can't say I was surprised. I'm just glad he was so drunk that he didn't remember me turning him down the next day. Poor hairy little guy I don't think he could have handled it. It was a long time ago, which happened to be right around the time he started getting gray hair. I guess he's dealing with it subconsciously.


HEE HEE

Why the Cubs lose...

I finally figured it out. The reason the Cubs lose is because of Zane. Well... Not just Zane but people like him. They can'y overcome the pecimism. The Cubs are like New York City in Ghostbusters 2, except no one has come along with a statue covered in slime charged with good energy. In the immortal words of Ray Zalinsky via TommyBoy, "Good, step one is identifying the problem..." Um... does anyone know where I can get a giant staue of a teddy bear and a shit load of slime? Oh, and a copy of Eddie Murphy's classic Party All The Time?
Here I come Cubbies! Tyler to the rescue!

P.S.
FOFF Zane.

Alright let us give this a try...